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About Me...My Life...My Future...
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I was born on A beautiful day in the spring of 1983, April 8th to be exact. I was given the name Jillian Amanda...
From the ages 1-2 I was just learning how to walk, talk and do all that good stuff which every child does at that point in their lives. Of course i dont remember much, but at the age of 2 I met the person who till this day sticks with me through all lifes ups and downs, Nicole Marie...
Ages 3-4 I have been told that my favorite hobby was exploring EVERYTHING (which i dont doubt)From the tupperware in my mothers kitchen drawers, to dirt and mudd in the back yard. My baby brother Kyle was born into my life when i was three, i loved em to death always wanted to be around my new brother..:) I attended pre-school at a little building down the street, along with my buddy nicole. I remember all the little crafts we made, the halloween partys we had & all the tears i cried because i had to be away from my mommie:(
Ages 5-6 are years i remember more distinctly then the years before. I could go on forever about Nicole and I but ill just skip to my favorite parts...
We had our first experience with cutting hair, breaking our umbrellas..lol, getting yelled at for crossing the street and breaking my basement window, which we got grounded for several times.
At the age of 5 i started kindergarden , I remember being so scared my first day, but after a few papercuts, paint on my clothes and discovering boys..he he I adapted pretty well.
Ages 7-8 were all about barbies and little kiddy games (which at the time i thought was so cool) I was really into dancing ( i had been dancing since i was 2) and used to put on dancing recitals for the people in the neighborhood. These years id say were the best of my childhood.
Ages 9-10 were a turing point in my life, yes Jill was growing up I was soo happy i was in 4th grade and i was one of the "big kids" in school. But the next year came along i was to enter "The Middle School"..and yeah it was scary to me because i knew that i wouldn't be a "big kid" anymore. i would just be yet another little fifth grader...
Ages 11-12 was when i started trying to impress the boys..it was all about experimenting with makeup, dressing "cool" and staying away from the dorks in school. God forbid if you talk to a "Dork" i was a sin when you were in 7th grade!
Ages 13-14 I started to change alot, i started dating and had my first kiss..and real boyfriend (it lasted 8months).. and at 14 i was now in "High School" my life was just passing by so quick i didnt know what was going on. I had drifted away from Nicole but never stopped to realize what i was slowly throwing away. I started hanging out with the wrong type of people, got in trouble for sneaking out of the house and going to college parties with people who i thought were my friends. It was at those parties i had my first hit of weed,and got drunk. Of course my parents found out, ohh man they were blowing fire outta their ears, it was inevitable, they would find out eventually and i knew this...from that moment on all my real parents friends knew me as the "bad" one, known for doing stupid krazy shit...
Ages 15-16 were sad, happy, exciting, confusing all in one I had met another guy who i thought was extradinary, but i learned with time that he was nothing but manipulative, possesive, emotionally disturbed and insecure. To the world he appeared to be this great guy who loved his girlfriend, but on the inside he was all i listed above.. He had made me stop talking to the majority of my friends and took over my life and the way i thought. He messed my emotions up really good...So i left him... I went to couseling which helped quite a bit and I started working to get my mind off things,.. but it did nothing but add more stress to my life.. While all this was going on My parents were in the Midst of getting a divorce within 5 months my dad was here and gone, it was a drastic change and still hurts me to this day..
And here I am today at the age of 17 completely back to my true self. I cant predict what is going to come in my future but i know that whatever comes along im going to make it fun, because i've learned through the years that life passes bye so fast before you know it you'll no longer be here. You cant be afraid to be yourself, you cant be afraid to tell your dreams, you cant sit back and watch others steal your dreams, you cant be afraid of life.
--Jillian
"All my life I have searched for clues,
this is what they taught me.
Every mystery I pursued,
was a secret I already knew.
Every stone that I left unturned,
soon came back to haunt me.
Every fall, every finger burned,
was a step on the road to the truth"
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This page is dedicated to all of the people who made me the person i am today....
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TO MY MOTHER- You never failed to understand my tears when i cried, my happiness when i smiled or my never ending love for you. No matter where you are or what you're doing, you'll always be held closest to my heart. I love you Mommie!
TO MY FATHER DENNIS- Although we dont see eachother half as much as we used to, deep inside ill always be your little girl.
TO MY BROTHER KYLE- Yeah i know you can kick my ass if we get into a fight, but hey you're still my little brother ha ha..love you!
TO MY BEST FRIEND NICOLE- Whether i was laughing or crying, you were always right there laughing or crying with me. Thank you for being the best friend ill ever have. I love ya girl, no matter what we get ourselves into.
TO MIGUEL- Words cannot say how much you mean to me. Thank you for being a great friend. Love you always.
TO MIRANDA- Ohh we gotten ourselves into a lot of messes..Hint: ba ba ba da da da dum..hey but at least we survived. We'll always be the Krazzzzyyy ones..B-I-T-C-H-E-S 100% BABY. Ohh yeah i forgot to mention AMAS.!!! Love you:)
SHOUT OUTS:
Maris, Sara, Ron, Nick,John, Mike, Arron, Melissa(mel), Tony, Kevin and of course my bigg cuz Adam! MUUUUAAAHH 2 all of ya.
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Thoughts...
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From a world of dreams...I have been thrown into the world of realities, of everyday life, trying to make sense of our society's behavior, its choices and its fragility....
As i have come to realize, people today aren't a first rate version of themselves. Their a second rate version of someone their not meant to be. Some people will not admit to it, and wear a million masks to ensure that their real nature does not transpire....But, in the end what does it matter??? Although by different means, they too are running towards the same goal, the same dream.
While in the process of hiding who we really are, we loose freedom, not by technical means but freedom of the mind to think for itself and freedom of the soul to diverge into whatever YOUR heart desires.
The freedom we loose cannot be re-conqured cheaply, but however high, its a price worth paying.
If you look hard enough, at the end of the day you will find that..everything we need already exists, but we do not see it, blinded by stress, never-ending routines and the destructive materialism that characterises our life towards the end of our existence...
Thank you for reading my hopes, dreams, thoughts & Experiences
-Jillian
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